During the nap I took after we wrapped on Thursday, I dreamed about walking through a sidewalk lined on both sides with hibachi grills. If you’ve seen the show Beef, you understand. I held a puppy in my arms, a bruised and battered little thing that had been thrown in the trash. The night was dark. The only thing I saw ahead was a supermarket glowing with artificial light. But once we got to the entrance, I got a Slack message – of all things! – from the NextGen team, saying that they found the microchip info for the puppy.
Then I woke up and sat down to write this reflection.
Lucia Cheng celebrates nailing her stand-up video for Next Gen Radio.
In the month since I graduated in late May, the existential crisis over life ahead hit me hard. Watching the news about mass layoffs in journalism, I can’t help but feel like the odds are stacked against me – despite the systemic issues in the US, will I be able to tell the stories I want to tell? Do I have the willpower to put myself out there? Is journalism too corporate? Can I economically afford to do this?
The day before NextGen started, I clocked off my shift at PetSmart and was instantly hit with the overwhelming anxiety that I wouldn’t be able to do the story justice. The nerves lasted through the interview we did the next day. I wish I hadn’t been so stressed – this is the second time I’ve done a week-long intensive like this, and again, I’m reminded that there are people around me working toward the same goals I am, not just for deadlines, but for the values we hold as well. The people around me reminded me that yes, they care about what’s at stake today.
I want to remember how it feels to have confidence in myself, to know that these skills have been bestowed onto me because people can see the dreams I’m working toward. For so long, I’ve only felt dread about the work ahead. But this workshop reminded me that I can find joy in myself. Because this work I’m doing feels right. I feel like I’m the one that’s been found.